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Do you wish you could stick to a diet or keep up that exercise regime? If willpower seems to elude you, do you feel demoralised, inadequate or just plain lazy?

Don’t worry - those are common feelings - but is having willpower really the answer?

In the first episode of their ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Radio 4 podcast, , Drs Chris and Xand van Tulleken wrestle with the question of willpower and they discover there are other ways to overcome the mental and physical pain of the effort needed to get stuff done.

Identical twins Chris and Xand van Tulleken have different views of willpower...

Xand thinks having more of it could transform his life, whereas Chris thinks it’s an unhelpful concept. So they turn to Kimberley Wilson, a chartered counselling psychologist, for some expert advice.

“What we call willpower is misconstrued,” says Kimberley, who thinks there are other more practical ways to face difficult hurdles and achieve our goals. She says it all starts with being honest about what you can achieve, planning for a realistic goal and going for it when you feel motivated, not when you’re tired or hungry. If you plan for the worst case scenario and lower your expectations, you can only surprise yourself.

Here are six ways to overcome hurdles and achieve your goals:

1. Think positively about what you are capable of

Kimberley says we live up to the beliefs and stories we tell ourselves. So if you think you won’t be able to do something, then this is likely to be the outcome.

Give yourself the best chance to achieve your goal by telling yourself a positive story about what you can achieve and the rest is likely to follow.

2. Don’t beat yourself up – we’re all wired differently

We can often think we have done something wrong because we see friends or people online achieving the things we want. But some people already love doing exercise, so to do more isn’t tough for them. Or they don’t like sweet things, so cutting out cakes and chocolate is a no-brainer. Rather than relying on willpower, perhaps they just find the task easier.

Don’t be pressured by what you see other people achieve. We’re all different. You might not like getting up early, you might not be as naturally conscientious as someone else, so go easy on yourself with your challenges and understand what you, personally, are capable of.

3. Learn to tolerate being out of your comfort zone

Kimberley Wilson describes a concept called ‘distress tolerance’, which is our capacity to tolerate discomfort or mild distress which comes with effort. “The brain is an energy-saving organ, it does not want to expend energy. It wants to rely on habit,” she says, because habit is easily done – it costs little effort. “When you are trying to change your behaviour, you’re requiring more energy to create new connections in your brain and your brain doesn’t want to do it.”

The feeling of something being a huge effort is a good sign that change is happening, but you need to be prepared to tolerate the discomfort that comes with that effort and not be deterred. Keep pursuing that activity to reach your goal.

4. Take small steps towards your goal

Embrace the idea of challenging your brain, so it gets used to the effort of tackling things you find hard. Practice a new task incrementally, in steps, then reflect on it. Build your tolerance to discomfort, try to ignore the voice in your head telling you it is too hard and remember: nothing awful will happen!

5. Manage the voices in your head

We can often tell ourselves not to do something that’s too uncomfortable or distressing. Kimberley says you can have those doubts and be unwilling to face the task you’ve set yourself but still not let them derail you. Keep going in the direction of your goals and turn any distracting thoughts down low.

6. Relapse is normal so just embrace it

Kimberley emphasises that relapse is part of change. Nobody is perfect and everyone has a momentary stumble. Don’t let it put you off.

With planning, self-belief and the will to change, you can still achieve your goals, without a drop of willpower in sight.